He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
