did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
