man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
