I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
