Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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