i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
