if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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