i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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