You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
