i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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