Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
