You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
