come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
