O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
