This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
