There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
