The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
