dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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