thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Whod you bang
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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