well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
