garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
pray to the hookup gods
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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