Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
