I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
