Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
