there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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