After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
