So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
