can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
