Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You can't motorboat a personality
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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