I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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