Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
