I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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