You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize