Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
