You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
