I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
