We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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