My boss' voice literally gives me gas
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
