i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
