Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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