I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
