every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
