Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
