i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
They took my balls.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
