I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
