Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
