I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
