Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
