I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Plan B is the new Plan A
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
