So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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