Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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