Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
