Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
