I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
