At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
