you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So much rum. So many feels.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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