I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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