I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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