Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
