My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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