hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
