Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
