chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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