i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
