You just made me feel so damn special
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
