Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
