What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
