apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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